Read as you please!

2.11.12

The Black Sheep.


SOURCE

 Someone rightly said we write about the things we can’t speak about.
Perhaps, unconsciously, the reason why I am blogging.
And absolutely the reason why I typed a tactless message and pressed send. Five seconds later, my Father would’ve read it. And it wasn’t the usual slip-up of the wrong recipient. It was written exclusively for him and Mother, aimed directly at their egos, shot through their hearts.
If you knew me personally, you wouldn’t believe the things I wrote. I thought I liked being capricious but not this way.
What breaks my heart most is that, the content of that message, though rather selective and selfish, was not mistaken.
My Father kept calling me back and when it was finally clear that I wasn't in a mood to talk, he left a message that read "Don't feel bad R, You are the best child any parent could wish for. Mummy and I Love you very much."
Now I'm in this huge chamber of guilt and remorse and I don't know if I can ever come out of it.
I shook their little peace and I’m just a sober, stubborn, selfish, churlish, needy kid.
It would’ve been easier coming from a junkie child.
I could tell you what the message read, but I don't like to be judged. I couldn't even tell KS and he is my secret keeper.
And also because it is what I'm trying to forget, yet it keeps on reiterating in my selfish little head.

17 comments:

  1. what we write need not be things that we cant speak about... it could also be beacuse in writing we can express better and reach to others wider and clearer...nha?

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  2. I actully think same way about writing,
    but i also like to write about things i love and want to share:)

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  3. When I came across this post, it's almost as if I wrote it myself. Let's just say I sent a similar e-mail to my parents this weekend, and felt all of those emotions you described above.

    I'm following you now, you are amazing!

    WWW.ROXTHEFOX.COM

    ReplyDelete
  4. love your blog! It's so nice!!! I follow you!
    Pass to my blog and if it likes you follow me too, I will be so glad :D
    kisses
    http://francescagiusti.blogspot.com/

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  5. You have a really nice Blog :)
    Like it ♥
    Lots of Love :)

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  6. What the jumping jellybeans of a F????:-O You deleted my eeny weenie harmless comment???Damn!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have never removed any comments so far. Not yours', not anyone else's. And I'm certain this is your first comment on this post.
      Are you sure you did comment here and now it's missing?

      Delete
    2. I posted this link to cheer you up..I admit it is kinda gross..but hey!!!! u can't blame me for trying..:-P
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=enaSFL5eii8

      Delete
  7. i honestly am better able to express my emotions through writing. my emotions don't show in my facial expression or in my voice when i speak. people don't believe me when i tell them that i'm upset because it really doesn't show. so i guess that's why i resort to writing. :-)

    i've done that a lot of times to my parents. there were times when we exchanged hurtful words and then ended up not talking for a week or so.

    i wish you well, my dear. God bless ❤ :-)

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  8. Its a little harder to figure things out without scribbling them down.
    I mean, now that you've jolted it down, you might have figured out whether what you're doing seems right to you or not. Parents' opinion comes later. I mean you need to be in peace with your ownself first. Eventually, they'll agree to whatever seems right to you.
    Be it going aboard a trip with two guys or chosing to live differently.
    Parents are the support systems we have around, just that sometimes, we don't see it that way, so it seems a li'l complicated. Eventually, they love you. and so they love your choices too.
    Take Care! :)

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  9. We all regret the things we say and do to our parents.
    Believe me in rage/anger/hurt we say thing we don't mean just to hurt them.
    Please, try to make it better because no one will every love you as much as they do.

    milna89.blogspot.com

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  10. Thank you all. You are my angels!

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  11. Thanks for your comment on my blog. Would you like to follow each other?

    WWW.ROXTHEFOX.COM

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  12. I think we all say things we regret, but its obvious your parents love you from the messages they left. WE live we learn! :) I think blogging is a great way to get things like that out of our systems. Putting it all out there helps ease the guilt I think.

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  13. ^^ I think we all do that sometimes, but that doesn't mean your a bad person in the least. Just human and prone to making mistakes, like all humans do. I know your parents understand that. I tend to do this a lot when im hurt, ill write things i do or don't mean but that i always regret. But thankfully, ive had some people that are constantly forgiving. And at least i know where im at and what I need to work on now. I understand how you felt, so im sorry.

    Thanks for the comment on my blog by the way, im following as well. You write beautifully.

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  14. I agree to the very first line of this post. Its usual my dear, things go happen sometimes but the realization comes after...
    Feeling of guilt always be there as a recap but then its you only who could make things better and normal.

    all the very best :)

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These make me smile!