Dirty Dancing.

 

While the extravagant swear by their Chanel no. 5, I sit here and figure the smell of three things that I like any day; the smell of soil after the rain, the smell of food when I’m hungry, and how he smells like in the mornings.

The music blared in the club and he held me close for cosy dance. While I let loose in between and moved around, he told me I seemed different. Matured was the adjective he used. As we walked into his room later that night I could tell he was uncertain of a few thoughts in his head. Impressed, nevertheless.

I wish every Sunday mornings began in his arms after a tipsy night, but we both know familiarity breeds contempt.

Going Away.

HERE

I sat on the floor abruptly without noticing the scissors slip out of my slim fingers. The childish sketch of mine stuck on the card waiting to dry and the pink beads half stuck on the sides, forgotten. Two nights ago, a lot of things changed. The way I felt in that moment, I still do. It circulates like the blood in my veins, at the back of my mind.I didn’t know there were so many things more to know about him when we both moved here to this dead city, which gave us so much life in return. Not that I wasn’t happy to discover all over again. I’d never know how he smells like in the mornings, how the fish he prepares tastes just like my Mother’s, how he watches the news every day. All these things I’d never know if we were just our 16 and 17 year old self back in our little town.

Now I wake up in the morning and suddenly it hits me, everything’s going to be different. It’s like sitting on a time bomb counting the days for it to explode and I know I’m not going to die but the wound will impair me all the same. I think I should pray but I don’t. I’m sitting here trying to find the reasons why I’m so afraid when I shouldn’t be. I’m wondering how I should begin telling you about it. I’ve told him I’m getting drunk on his birthday.

Contradictions and Love.

SOURCE

There are days when I doubt my principles. Perhaps my take on life is a little too contemporary to accede or worse, just selfish.

Insomnia visits me like an old friend, on a night where I need that sweet little escape from reality and all its nuances.

I look at KS and serenity shows on his beautiful slumbering face. On this night, overwhelmed with emotions, I had told him that the only ‘unbecoming’ thing I did to my Parents was being in his bed.

‘But you’re going to be my wife someday’, was his honest consolation.

I believed him. I have believed in everything that he has ever proclaimed to me for 61 months now and I haven’t been disappointed yet. Touchwood.

There are days when I feel like I have let everyone down. They say to follow your heart, but what if the heart wants the dangerous bit?

I stayed off the drinks last night. It’s not the hardest thing in the world for me but my Mother would’ve been proud to know!!

Sometimes I do these little insignificant things that are usually expected of me, merely to feel safe and guarded within the integrities of my upbringing.

It’s my way of balancing all the defiance’s that I’ve gotten myself into, for the Love of LOVE.