Fighting.

I’m filled with emptiness. I’m laughing, talking, eating, sleeping, writing, but that’s all I do. I have nothing to look forward to, I feel like I’m losing my best friend and I try not to be sad about it. I try so hard, my heart cannot take it. I know I will never lose him, but I can’t have him too. He is there, but almost never here. I want to feel like I matter, like I mattered before. I want to matter to me. I want to know who I am. I want to fall asleep and dream of a better life, and never wake up.  I think I’m losing myself. 

I want to know what it feels like  to be a stronger person. 

Who said goodbyes are forever?

Last night out of sheer boredom I logged in here and re read all my posts and comments, and it dawned on me that I had been missing out on one of the very good things in my life and I hadn't even realized it.

I've been good, and bad. Life keeps happening on its own, takes its own unexpected highs and lows whenever it wants. I've been writing a journal, probably one of the many reasons of my absence here. But I promise to not leave again. Because I Love you, and I have a lot to tell. For now, let’s just start with Hello again.

BTW did I tell you I’m a sucker for nail art? What’s your guilty pleasure?