Read as you please!


Au Revoir

My Father would always buy me anything I wanted and I always wanted Barbie dolls from Mattel.
I like my eyes shielded in makeup, my lips always painted Red, and a set of enormous earrings dangling down my little ears.
I like wearing dresses and heels, but the last thing I am is Fake.
When his flight got rescheduled and almost likely to be cancelled for the next 10 days I told him I was relieved.
Very selfish, Very me.
When he finally flew against all odds I got an abrupt text message.
I coerced a smile through the morbid feeling.
Brutal honesty gets you flattered as being the best girlfriend, who knew?


Kiss Me Goodnight.


Whoever said there is only one side to a story said it wrong. So wrong, that nobody said it.
I Love sleeping. I Love entering into a world where life is touched-up perfect.
Where like in the movies, even if bad occurs, it is thwarted daringly.
Such are my nightly dreams.
Nightmares occur too but I Love my dreams and I Love it for the pleasant ones alone.
But lately, sleep has been eluding me.
It is the stress about Tuesday.
He leaves and I am terrified of an impending month without his presence.
At least, this time so.
As much as I wish he didn’t have to go, now I can’t wait for him to leave.
I am anxious about the goodbye hug and to get over with the overbearing emotions.
So then I can finally go to classes, write my notes, come back home.
So that I don’t have to constantly think about the frightening goodbye.
Accept that the moment is over, and SLEEP peacefully.
Alone, yet peacefully throughout this cold cold December.


Once upon a dream


I lay next to my mother in a dark room.
I expected a pandemonium of sorts and all she gave me was silence.
I traced it back to June where we went for that trip because I had no idea how long it had been.
And she had no idea who was the father.
I wanted to tell her, I wanted her to ask.
But we lay there in dark silence, time was all we had.
Father was in the next room and he said something about me being a ‘shame’.
My words were vague but I did mention I Love him.
I fell off the cliff and had two miscarriages, this was my first success.
Mother was saying it to my aunt.
Phoney congratulations pouring in as I wasn’t married.
A tinge of embarrassment ran through my veins.
I woke up at twilight and I thought,
If dreams really mean something, what did mine mean?
Silence yet again, but a peaceful one.
Thank God for the present.


I hate Goodbyes.

Have you ever been content with life, yet sad at the same time?
Yes you have.
Do you like that feeling?
No you don’t.
I play the same songs over and over again because it gives me a certain kind of satisfaction.
I like the monotony in life. Predictable is always safer.
But that doesn’t mean I am boring. Or perhaps I am, but I have followed my impulses too on more occasions than one and the outcomes have turned into memories.
I don’t classify them to good or bad because that is unfair.
So even when I whimper about a static life, chances are, I’m just trying to sound 'cooler'.
Because I don’t love anything more than knowing He is always here, with me.
Affectionate, Egoistic, Protective, offensive, Funny.
But always here.
And now he is leaving for 5 prolonged weeks, giving me all the time to come home straight after class.
Ph should be delighted.