Grieve Future, Grieve.

HERE

I don’t know what a broken heart feels like. Or maybe I do but because I feel it too often, I am incapable to differentiate it from other mere feelings of sadness or hurting. But how can sadness be just ‘mere’? Whenever I’m sad I long for an overwhelming compassion and words that are beyond the amorous movies, beyond this mortal earth. Perhaps that’s what adds to the tragedy, wanting the things I can’t have. Expectation has been my biggest let-down.

I’m afraid of the very same things that I want. Because I don’t know if it is right to want them. Happiness is best if shared, they say. But how about it when there’s nobody to share it with?

Loving someone just got uglier.

When Dreams meet Reality.

I don’t remember his features but he was a fine-looking boy, someone who looked like he came right out of a movie, and would be incredibly out of my league. Imagine my surprise when he came with his brother, who was striking in his own way, and his father to talk to my Father.

I had nothing to say except I kept thinking about KS. I couldn’t wait to get out of the beautiful trap and tell him how this incredibly fine boy wanted me and how my parents were rooting for it. Silence made up for all the things that needed to be said. Then he walked into my dark room and in gradual speed extracted all the truth out of me. He decided to walk away at the unraveling of a ‘startling’ fact that I have someone else in mind. I begged him not to tell my Father and I don’t think he conformed. I’m not sure, but I remember being terrified at the thought of confronting my parents.

I woke up realizing how I had been lying to myself all these time telling myself that my biggest fear was mediocrity when there’s always been something else under the rug.