Au Revoir

My Father would always buy me anything I wanted and I always wanted Barbie dolls from Mattel.

I like my eyes shielded in makeup, my lips always painted Red, and a set of enormous earrings dangling down my little ears.

I like wearing dresses and heels, but the last thing I am is Fake.

When his flight got rescheduled and almost likely to be cancelled for the next 10 days I told him I was relieved.

Very selfish, Very me.

When he finally flew against all odds I got an abrupt text message.

I coerced a smile through the morbid feeling.

Brutal honesty gets you flattered as being the best girlfriend, who knew?

Kiss Me Goodnight.

Here

Whoever said there is only one side to a story said it wrong. So wrong, that nobody said it.

I Love sleeping. I Love entering into a world where life is touched-up perfect.

Where like in the movies, even if bad occurs, it is thwarted daringly.

Such are my nightly dreams.

Nightmares occur too but I Love my dreams and I Love it for the pleasant ones alone.

But lately, sleep has been eluding me.

It is the stress about Tuesday.

He leaves and I am terrified of an impending month without his presence.

At least, this time so.

As much as I wish he didn’t have to go, now I can’t wait for him to leave.

I am anxious about the goodbye hug and to get over with the overbearing emotions.

So then I can finally go to classes, write my notes, come back home.

So that I don’t have to constantly think about the frightening goodbye.

Accept that the moment is over, and SLEEP peacefully.

Alone, yet peacefully throughout this cold cold December.

Once upon a dream

HERE

Silence.

I lay next to my mother in a dark room.

I expected a pandemonium of sorts and all she gave me was silence.

I traced it back to June where we went for that trip because I had no idea how long it had been.

And she had no idea who was the father.

I wanted to tell her, I wanted her to ask.

But we lay there in dark silence, time was all we had.

Father was in the next room and he said something about me being a ‘shame’.

My words were vague but I did mention I Love him.

I fell off the cliff and had two miscarriages, this was my first success.

Mother was saying it to my aunt.

Phoney congratulations pouring in as I wasn’t married.

A tinge of embarrassment ran through my veins.

I woke up at twilight and I thought,

If dreams really mean something, what did mine mean?

Silence yet again, but a peaceful one.

Thank God for the present.

I hate Goodbyes.

HERE

Have you ever been content with life, yet sad at the same time?

Yes you have.

Do you like that feeling?

No you don’t.

I play the same songs over and over again because it gives me a certain kind of satisfaction.

I like the monotony in life. Predictable is always safer.

But that doesn’t mean I am boring. Or perhaps I am, but I have followed my impulses too on more occasions than one and the outcomes have turned into memories.

I don’t classify them to good or bad because that is unfair.

So even when I whimper about a static life, chances are, I’m just trying to sound 'cooler'.

Because I don’t love anything more than knowing He is always here, with me.

Affectionate, Egoistic, Protective, offensive, Funny.

But always here.

And now he is leaving for 5 prolonged weeks, giving me all the time to come home straight after class.

Ph should be delighted.