Once upon a dream

HERE

Silence.

I lay next to my mother in a dark room.

I expected a pandemonium of sorts and all she gave me was silence.

I traced it back to June where we went for that trip because I had no idea how long it had been.

And she had no idea who was the father.

I wanted to tell her, I wanted her to ask.

But we lay there in dark silence, time was all we had.

Father was in the next room and he said something about me being a ‘shame’.

My words were vague but I did mention I Love him.

I fell off the cliff and had two miscarriages, this was my first success.

Mother was saying it to my aunt.

Phoney congratulations pouring in as I wasn’t married.

A tinge of embarrassment ran through my veins.

I woke up at twilight and I thought,

If dreams really mean something, what did mine mean?

Silence yet again, but a peaceful one.

Thank God for the present.

I hate Goodbyes.

HERE

Have you ever been content with life, yet sad at the same time?

Yes you have.

Do you like that feeling?

No you don’t.

I play the same songs over and over again because it gives me a certain kind of satisfaction.

I like the monotony in life. Predictable is always safer.

But that doesn’t mean I am boring. Or perhaps I am, but I have followed my impulses too on more occasions than one and the outcomes have turned into memories.

I don’t classify them to good or bad because that is unfair.

So even when I whimper about a static life, chances are, I’m just trying to sound 'cooler'.

Because I don’t love anything more than knowing He is always here, with me.

Affectionate, Egoistic, Protective, offensive, Funny.

But always here.

And now he is leaving for 5 prolonged weeks, giving me all the time to come home straight after class.

Ph should be delighted.

Contradictions and Love.

SOURCE

There are days when I doubt my principles. Perhaps my take on life is a little too contemporary to accede or worse, just selfish.

Insomnia visits me like an old friend, on a night where I need that sweet little escape from reality and all its nuances.

I look at KS and serenity shows on his beautiful slumbering face. On this night, overwhelmed with emotions, I had told him that the only ‘unbecoming’ thing I did to my Parents was being in his bed.

‘But you’re going to be my wife someday’, was his honest consolation.

I believed him. I have believed in everything that he has ever proclaimed to me for 61 months now and I haven’t been disappointed yet. Touchwood.

There are days when I feel like I have let everyone down. They say to follow your heart, but what if the heart wants the dangerous bit?

I stayed off the drinks last night. It’s not the hardest thing in the world for me but my Mother would’ve been proud to know!!

Sometimes I do these little insignificant things that are usually expected of me, merely to feel safe and guarded within the integrities of my upbringing.

It’s my way of balancing all the defiance’s that I’ve gotten myself into, for the Love of LOVE.