The Moment I knew.

HERE

When you find someone who Loves you beyond the appearances and the physicality’s, it could either be the most amazing or the most pathetic thing ever. My Chemistry Professor says there are only two choices in life. Nothing aches my heart more than knowing that he failed to notice the laces and the curves.

I’ve always questioned my motives here. I write these posts like I’d write my diary if I had one. I don’t know why I write them, perhaps it's because like I said before, we write the things we can’t say, I come here for an hour and share my deepest thoughts with a part of the world that's invisible to me. I'm afraid a lot of times, not being sure of how much is too much while my head and heart yearns for an outlet. But every time I read the comments and there is always something positive, when someone tells me that they turn off their music while reading my posts, it is a moment of clarity. It’s like that ease I feel when I close my eyes at the end of a very tiring day.

And I realise exactly why I come here. It feels safe. Thank You.

Between Mothers, Angels, and sluts.

HERE

Keeping someone else’s secret terrifies me more than my own. My relationship with KS remains embedded to where it began, while I watch everything around me and ‘us’ grow diversely. I’m uncertain as to whether I am gradually turning into my Mother or if everything around me is really as blunt as my feelings render. Most of the conversations that I have with my Mother turn into a debate. Last summer the first thing she said to me when she met me at the arrival terminal of the airport put me off and within the first 5 minutes of landing on home ground; I wanted to fly back in the same aircraft screaming. She made a senseless remark about my smoky eye makeup.

Thousands of conversations have taken place over the years and I can barely remember one where I thought her opinions were unbiased on popular demand. And after every ‘debate’ I’ve warned my older self to never turn into a cynic. Last night I got a first peek into my impending (horrifying) transformation when I convinced myself and Mimi that her ex-boyfriend will be sorry for going after a ‘slut’ who looked and sounded so much like an angel to him. Only that night, her antics were not too celestial. 

I’m a Tad too late but dropping in New Year wishes and also a Massive Thank You to everyone here for reading my blog and leaving lots of Love each time. It means so very much to me.

Thank You.

♡