When Dreams meet Reality.

I don’t remember his features but he was a fine-looking boy, someone who looked like he came right out of a movie, and would be incredibly out of my league. Imagine my surprise when he came with his brother, who was striking in his own way, and his father to talk to my Father.

I had nothing to say except I kept thinking about KS. I couldn’t wait to get out of the beautiful trap and tell him how this incredibly fine boy wanted me and how my parents were rooting for it. Silence made up for all the things that needed to be said. Then he walked into my dark room and in gradual speed extracted all the truth out of me. He decided to walk away at the unraveling of a ‘startling’ fact that I have someone else in mind. I begged him not to tell my Father and I don’t think he conformed. I’m not sure, but I remember being terrified at the thought of confronting my parents.

I woke up realizing how I had been lying to myself all these time telling myself that my biggest fear was mediocrity when there’s always been something else under the rug.

I'm sorry you're you. Happy Holidays.

HERE

HERE

Till today I had been carrying a certain guilt with me because I believed in Odem when she told me I was ‘muck’, last summer on the last night at home. The misunderstanding that led to such an allegation was trivial and I was partly to blame, and even though I apologized the next day before getting on the plane, I knew she would never accept it.

I came back to the city and somehow life pushed that night a little less out of focus. It was subdued, yet very much present. Today KS called me and said something that put me at ease. He said that his cousin was an unrefined young lady who had little or no etiquette to talk to elders or anybody. He elaborated on the few things she said to his mother that was much out of line.

As he did so, I could hear her say I was muck that last summer in that callous tone. I knew what he meant because I was there too, in a similar situation with her. I never had the courage to tell him the things his cousin had told me that night because I was afraid of things I can’t explain. Today had nothing to do with me but I learnt something, being shadowed in flamboyant sanctity doesn’t make up for deficient decorum.

Once upon a time.

Here

Fragments of my fears resulted from all the summer evenings on the front yard of my Mother’s sister’s house 4 hours away from my town.

I’d sit down with my Mother, her sister (my aunt) and her daughter beside the Hibiscus shrubberies and listen to repetitive counsels on the importance of a ‘good’ life partner.

When I was young, my Mother would tell me bedtime stories – Gulliver’s Travels, Little Red Riding Hood, Buddha etc. She would sing lullabies too on many occasions.

Eventually the stories stopped as I grew and they were replaced by ‘vital’ advices every now and then.

It was on a winter night when I sat on the floor facing her on the bed that she told me a story just like the Little Red Riding hood except here, I wore the Red Cape.

She elaborated on the big bad wolf and how I should turn around and run if I ever encountered one.

My Fear then substantiated because I was already in Love with the big bad wolf, and he was beautiful.

Au Revoir

My Father would always buy me anything I wanted and I always wanted Barbie dolls from Mattel.

I like my eyes shielded in makeup, my lips always painted Red, and a set of enormous earrings dangling down my little ears.

I like wearing dresses and heels, but the last thing I am is Fake.

When his flight got rescheduled and almost likely to be cancelled for the next 10 days I told him I was relieved.

Very selfish, Very me.

When he finally flew against all odds I got an abrupt text message.

I coerced a smile through the morbid feeling.

Brutal honesty gets you flattered as being the best girlfriend, who knew?

Kiss Me Goodnight.

Here

Whoever said there is only one side to a story said it wrong. So wrong, that nobody said it.

I Love sleeping. I Love entering into a world where life is touched-up perfect.

Where like in the movies, even if bad occurs, it is thwarted daringly.

Such are my nightly dreams.

Nightmares occur too but I Love my dreams and I Love it for the pleasant ones alone.

But lately, sleep has been eluding me.

It is the stress about Tuesday.

He leaves and I am terrified of an impending month without his presence.

At least, this time so.

As much as I wish he didn’t have to go, now I can’t wait for him to leave.

I am anxious about the goodbye hug and to get over with the overbearing emotions.

So then I can finally go to classes, write my notes, come back home.

So that I don’t have to constantly think about the frightening goodbye.

Accept that the moment is over, and SLEEP peacefully.

Alone, yet peacefully throughout this cold cold December.